HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
