You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
