Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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