Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
