Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
