well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
