How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
