Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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