Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
