someone get that fucking seahorse.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
