you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
