I love black thongs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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