Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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