he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize