she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
