Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize