is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
