We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
