How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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