I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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