This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
