forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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