you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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