Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
