I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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