New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
