My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
