Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
