i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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