she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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