I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
