I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
