Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
