His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
