You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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