Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There's always time for handjobs
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
