I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
