Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh god it's open bar.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
