So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
