I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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