Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize