brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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