theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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