I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize