my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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