i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
