therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
