so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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