i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
