That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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