There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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