Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
