I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
