Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
