Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
