im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
