I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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