I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
