I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
