I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
