I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
