your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
