but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize