The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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