Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
