we're blogging at a bar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
