the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
