You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
