Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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