I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
