I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
