You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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