I cannot find my penis.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have feelings that need drinking.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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