I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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