1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
More tranny stories later!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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