Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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