she smelled like a LAN party
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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